Sunday, October 22, 2023

I Feel Such a Loss, Feeling Lost. Now we Have Lost Our Little Muffie, Such a Sweet Boy. Unbelievable.



Our little Muffie, taken a few months ago.   He found us in 2007, election season when the debates were going.  He left this green earth for Heaven this past Friday late morning at the vet's office, October 13, 2023.


The day before I was cutting one of my soft cotton flannel plaid skirts I deemed unflattering, in two pieces, they were to be blankets for Muffie.  I had just ordered Muffie a package of white cotton baby onesies for the cool weather...Little did I know Muffie would be buried with one of the plaid 'blankets'....The new little package of infant onesies are one of many reminders now...




It wasn't that long ago that our older veterinarian, now retired had told me...When these dogs find your family, they've hit the jackpot.  That was one of the biggest compliments we could have received.

Another comforting thought was when I was holding our little Esther at our old vet's, our pudgie little black rolie-polie poodle when she was very ill...A lady with a cross necklace on who had brought her cat in for an allergy shot, came up to me and bent over to say so sweetly to me...I can tell you really care for your animal.

Those messages were Godsends to me.


It was 2007...Muffie was sitting in an intersection on a suburban road as our daughter, Joycie approached in her car, she drove past looking through her rearview mirror back then.  He had turned around and was watching her as if to say, You forgot about me, come back!  She noticed the little guy watching her and made a U-turn going back.  She opened her door and in hopped little Muffie!  She said he rolled on his back playfully on the floor of her car.  So adorable.  

She brings this little guy home, he was kind of like a mini Schitzu.  His fur was quite overgrown, and his collar was rusted shut.  A friend of ours, a Green Beret saw him on our blog back then and said..."Why he looks like a forlorned dustmop!"  He really did, he was so matted but was the lovely color of a golden muffin.

Someone was not caring for this little angel, leaving him outside in who knows what.  He looked like a little muffin!   Huckabee was running for president and Muffie's eyes looked like buttons.  Thus his name:   Muffin Buttons Huckabee.   Thus:   Muffie.


A little heartbeat at my feet...


He was horribly fearful of any rain at all because of being left out in the elements, you could literally see his little face shake from across a room, I would always try to place him on my lap in those times... 


Now may I say?

If you are looking for a happy blog post, maybe this will be a happy life for you to read about sure enough, but my Bible also tells me to weep with those who weep.  I do wish more Readers would understand that this blog is an honest blog about life and understand how very valued genuine empathy/symphathy is.  If you have shared in this holy kindness, just like the holy kindness of caring for God's Creatures, especially taking in those who have no home... You know who you are and you have blessed my heart with that most holy kindness and I appreciate that so very much, you have no idea.   Life isn't always happy and in this case....It has BROKEN MY HEART. 



I feel Muffie took a part of me with him now that things have hit.   Muffie was with us through the move to the country here, he was in our busy previous home that bustled with baking, cooking, homemaking and Bible lessons that many girls would attend, taught by our second born daughter, Joycie.  Hay rides in the neighborhood at Christmas time.  He was a little bit like our family mascot I guess you could say.

We have lost 3 of our fur babies in 2 months now, so yes, this chapter of my life is very difficult.  So please oblige and be Jesus with skin on.  I don't know about you but I think we need more Jesus with skin on. 


Everywhere I look, I see our little Muffie.  Our entire home was set up for little Muffie since he was blind.


The vet is our new vet, another youngish man, very handsome with the most gorgeous, wide, friendly smile we have seen in a while, longish hair, now days in a pony tail.  The first time we came in to this new animal hospital he was wearing a new white belted kimono wrap style vet coat.  Jem said later...Wow, I thought to myself...That's the coolest looking doctor I've ever seen.  The young vet is also a farm vet so has to visit many farms in the area in his truck. His scuffed hands tell a strong but gentle story, long gone is the white kimono wrap coat (I'm sure the senior vet owner required them all wear).

He knew what he was doing...Very kind.  I was relieved he was able to find a place for a catheter so things went smoothly and most peacefully, Muffie just went to sleep there like a little angel, our sweet boy. 


I looked at the vet after he looked at me and Jem and quietly said...He's passed.   I looked the vet in his blue eyes and with little-girl wonder, peacefully said...It was peaceful and he shook his head yes, yes, the 30 something  young vet was assuring the 60 something mom. He's getting to know me and knows I'm a sensitive and thinking one.   I was so relieved it was peaceful, just like little Muffie went to sleep, not even a flinch that the vet warned could happen.  He looked like a very small sleeping little puppy there, little fur angel.

There was no arguing about it...I had held him in the exam room waiting for the vet, he was uncomfortable even in my arms.  I carefully placed him in his little cozy bed from home we had  brought with us to the vet with that plaid blanket...  He was starting to have trouble breathing it seemed.  It was  breaking our hearts and Jem was tearing up this time.  Actually?  Jem broke down as I read this blog to him.  He jokes around and kids to stave off grief but I see he too is in a grieving process.


You see, it wasn't that long ago here that Muffie would sit next to Jem on the couch like a little boy...We would laugh so very hard because if we touched Muffie he would let out a gentle growl to let us know...No, I'm with my daddy.  Leave me alone.   It was so funny, it was like a push button toy that growled playfully when touched.  Sometimes Jem would talk to Muffie and Muffie would look up at him just as a child would!  His little button eyes and even his little mouth's expression said...Really?   I'm your buddy?!

Several years ago though, his little button eyes dimmed, and he became  blind.

He was a little sidekick and loved to be held but then would want in his little bed.   We had a beautiful wicker bed next to my side of the bed where he would be safe at night.   I remember buying the wicker dog bed at a resale shop in the burbs way back when.  Since sleeping next to my bedside, I would place two receiving blankets doubled; a pink one and white and gold stripe one doubled over his side of my lamp shade so my lamp wouldn't disturb him.  Yes, they are still there on my nightstand as well as his wicker bed on the floor by my bedside with blankets left just as they were that morning.

We had a little fenced area for him where he could walk around safely outside, and then he would climb up the little ramp Jem made to the doggy door.  I would place lavender oil on the ramp and the doggy door so he could find those places.  


EDIT  10.30.23     He would bark and want to be held...He would just lay his little head back and close his eyes relaxed...Very sweet that he knew to do that in my arms and felt so safe.

Lessons learned for me finally in this life on this green earth.  The night before I held him at the supper table  I knew he didn't look well at this point and was becoming extremely weak.  Jem would sit with him on the couch later...  That night at 2am he cried and we put little Muffie in bed with that plaid blanket...  

It was apparent the next morning he was losing strength not able to stand and crying periodically.  We called the vet and got over there to see what could be done for our angel....The receptionist understood, she had just dug into her kleenex box for me a couple of weeks before when Missy passed, she has fur babies of her own.

I miss our little Muffie.

I think our big white Lab/Shepherd dog, precious and sweet, Liesl knows she needs to comfort me...She took a nap by my feet as I napped quietly that afternoon, she even pawed at the restroom door as if to say...Mom?   You okay?

Seasons of life come and go...We take each loss differently and things hit at different times.


I even took the time to gently clip some of his beautiful golden locks perhaps for a locket, maybe our daughters may like to have a lock too,  as he lay there so sweetly before Jem buried our little angel. 

I'll close now...I appreciate those wonderful Friends and Readers who type words of comfort and strength coupled with compassion.  

You see...You are Jesus with skin on.


Please oblige, I will not be able to respond to comments most likely for the next several days or so at least for I will be out of pocket.  So my customary replies may be a little late.  Thank you for understanding.  I appreciate you all so very much.

Ask the animals, and they will teach you.  ~Job  12:7


God be with us all.  I covet your prayers.

Signing off for now, until the next time from My Forest Cathedral     ~Amelia




Mrs. White said...

I am so sorry to hear this, Amelia!!! God bless and comfort you and your family!

Sandi said...

God bless you, Amelia. You have my deepest condolences.

Terra said...

You wrote a beautiful post and tribute to your dear pup. Our dogs are truly family members. You cared so tenderly for your dog and received a lot of love back, it is a circle. I got my Bounce at a shelter when I became a widow, if you read my post today, it is about me brushing his teeth, it might make you smile. God bless you.

savannah said...

I am so sorry for your losing your sweet baby. I lost mine in February and I know how broken your heart is.
They leave a big hole in your heart.
All you can do is know you gave him the best life he could have had.
Most of all you loved him.

Cheryl Kimbley said...

What a lovely tribute to your sweet baby. Thank you for being such good parents to the fur ones. They love unconditionally and give so much to us as well.
Huge hugs to you.

LaurieS said...

We love our fur babies so much. There will be many waiting for us when we get to heaven.

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry for your loss(es). We lost 2 of our furry family members within a few days of each other this summer.
I pray God’s comfort for you. He is ever faithful, present, and trustworthy. This verse gave me great comfort:
For You, Lord, have helped me and comforted me. Psalm 86:17

Amelia said...

Thank you so much, Mrs. White. Blessings to you, friend.

Amelia said...

Thank you so much, Sandi.

Amelia said...

Hi Terra, thank you so much for your understanding and sincere words, your Bounce must be a sweetie. I will come over as soon as I get some down time to read your entry.

Amelia said...

Hi Savannah, It's so sweet of you to take the time to share your heart here. Yes, it's as if they take a piece of your heart with them, they truly do. Thank you for your understanding heart on this, I'm so sorry about your loss too. As a lady just shared with me this past week as she strolled her little shitzu..."You never get over it..."

Amelia said...

Thank you Cheryl, thank you for your understanding words, friend. Hugs to you too...I know you know how it feels...

Amelia said...

Yes, Laurie, so, so true. I've heard more than several accounts of this from viable sources. Such a huge, huge comfort...Thank you so much for taking the time to comment here, I so appreciate it. God understands all of it, some may not but He does.

Amelia said...

Dear Anonymous, Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry you too have had two losses so close to each other...Oh the theatre of our minds on things like this... Thank you so very much for your understanding and empathy in the situation, I know you truly understand. I so appreciate the comforting scripture verses too. Amen. Thank you once again for taking the time to share your heart and coming to comment. I appreciate it so. God bless and be with you.

MP said...

The loss of our beloved pets is a hard thing indeed. You honored Muffies sweet memory beautifully here; he sure was a special little dog and much loved. I remember how he used to share ice cream with Dad, that was always so funny to me. Praying for y’all as you walk through the grieving process of all three pets — that’s a lot to lose! So very sorry for your losses. 😭 With love and prayers 🙏🏻❤️‍🩹

Amelia said...

Hi MP...Oh my goodness...Yes, he truly did share ice cream with Dad! He truly was a special little dog, when I brought him in to the vet back explaining how he was obviously not cared for and hopped in your car then, the receptionist said...You sure are lucky! Yes, Muffie always should have had a little baseball cap on to suit his persona of that tiny sweet little boy sitting next to his daddy. He would crack me up the way he would kind of trot around. He was a one of a kind that is for sure. A very precious little dog and Gift from God. Remember bringing him to the nursing home and Miss Caroline loving him and holding him?

Thank you for prayers and love of course. xo

Amelia said...

MP...Not only did Muffie trot around but the little guy thought he was ten feet tall. Just several weeks ago when our large dogs were barking in a protective way...Little Muffie barked too in a protective way...So darling. Our Little Muffie. xo

Little Mama Mia said...

Oh, Mom, I'm so sorry for your loss! This is a beautifully written memorial. I know that you cared for Muffie so much and admire the dedication and love you showed him for such a long time. He was truly and tremendously loved and I sure know he felt that. I know your heart is grieving right now and I am so sorry! He will always hold a special place in your heart. And I know in time, God will heal this wound that you bear. And in the meantime, I am here for you and am praying for you. Sending love and hugs! <3

Amelia said...

Little Mama Mia...Awww...This made me cry, your comment is so sweet. Thank you so much for being there...Little Grace asked me yesterday if I still missed Muffie, and I said 'yes'...I still look at the wicker bed checking on Muffie. But he is not there, his wicker bed with the soft baby blue blankets are just like we left them that morning. I do know Muffie is in a sweet place now, just bought each grandchild a book entitled: Piggy in Heaven. It is dedicated to our precious fur angels who have gone to Heaven.

Love and hugs....Mom

Anonymous said...

Oh mom, I’m so sorry again. It’s so hard even reading this. Muffie will be so greatly missed. 💔 He was such a special part of the family. Having suffered so many losses in such a short time makes it all the harder to cope. 💔 I remember when little Esther passed away she was my little buddy at the time and she always knew when I was sick and wouldn’t leave my side until I was better. When I found out about her passing after I got married and moved, I woke up in panic attacks over it. It’s so extra hard when they hold such a special place in our hearts.

Amelia said...

Zuzu, yes, I sooo remember little Esther laying with you when you had a long season of illness. These little fur angels so know and sense things. So much love to give.

When Esther passed it rained and thundered in the middle of the night and I awoke with tears in my eyes...Just the thought of everything.

Yes, our little Muffie will be so missed. Remember when he would do his little "jerk-dances"? He would roll around on his back on a carpet rug and jerk all around on his back and then 'freeze' and want us to look at him and give him pets...He could be such a little character... He would do this often in our room on my bedside and give out little growls playfully as if to say..."Look at me!" "See what I'm doing?" "Aren't I funny?"

Yes, three of our fur angels in two months has been very hard for me. I'm so glad we have a home where pets are welcomed, they are *truly* a huge part of our family and a special blessing as I know you agree.

Thank you for coming by and sharing about Esther too. She was a darling and still is.


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