Sunday, October 22, 2023

I Feel Such a Loss, Feeling Lost. Now we Have Lost Our Little Muffie, Such a Sweet Boy. Unbelievable.



Our little Muffie, taken a few months ago.   He found us in 2007, election season when the debates were going.  He left this green earth for Heaven this past Friday late morning at the vet's office, October 13, 2023.


The day before I was cutting one of my soft cotton flannel plaid skirts I deemed unflattering, in two pieces, they were to be blankets for Muffie.  I had just ordered Muffie a package of white cotton baby onesies for the cool weather...Little did I know Muffie would be buried with one of the plaid 'blankets'....The new little package of infant onesies are one of many reminders now...




It wasn't that long ago that our older veterinarian, now retired had told me...When these dogs find your family, they've hit the jackpot.  That was one of the biggest compliments we could have received.

Another comforting thought was when I was holding our little Esther at our old vet's, our pudgie little black rolie-polie poodle when she was very ill...A lady with a cross necklace on who had brought her cat in for an allergy shot, came up to me and bent over to say so sweetly to me...I can tell you really care for your animal.

Those messages were Godsends to me.


It was 2007...Muffie was sitting in an intersection on a suburban road as our daughter, Joycie approached in her car, she drove past looking through her rearview mirror back then.  He had turned around and was watching her as if to say, You forgot about me, come back!  She noticed the little guy watching her and made a U-turn going back.  She opened her door and in hopped little Muffie!  She said he rolled on his back playfully on the floor of her car.  So adorable.  

She brings this little guy home, he was kind of like a mini Schitzu.  His fur was quite overgrown, and his collar was rusted shut.  A friend of ours, a Green Beret saw him on our blog back then and said..."Why he looks like a forlorned dustmop!"  He really did, he was so matted but was the lovely color of a golden muffin.

Someone was not caring for this little angel, leaving him outside in who knows what.  He looked like a little muffin!   Huckabee was running for president and Muffie's eyes looked like buttons.  Thus his name:   Muffin Buttons Huckabee.   Thus:   Muffie.


A little heartbeat at my feet...


He was horribly fearful of any rain at all because of being left out in the elements, you could literally see his little face shake from across a room, I would always try to place him on my lap in those times... 


Now may I say?

If you are looking for a happy blog post, maybe this will be a happy life for you to read about sure enough, but my Bible also tells me to weep with those who weep.  I do wish more Readers would understand that this blog is an honest blog about life and understand how very valued genuine empathy/symphathy is.  If you have shared in this holy kindness, just like the holy kindness of caring for God's Creatures, especially taking in those who have no home... You know who you are and you have blessed my heart with that most holy kindness and I appreciate that so very much, you have no idea.   Life isn't always happy and in this case....It has BROKEN MY HEART. 



I feel Muffie took a part of me with him now that things have hit.   Muffie was with us through the move to the country here, he was in our busy previous home that bustled with baking, cooking, homemaking and Bible lessons that many girls would attend, taught by our second born daughter, Joycie.  Hay rides in the neighborhood at Christmas time.  He was a little bit like our family mascot I guess you could say.

We have lost 3 of our fur babies in 2 months now, so yes, this chapter of my life is very difficult.  So please oblige and be Jesus with skin on.  I don't know about you but I think we need more Jesus with skin on. 


Everywhere I look, I see our little Muffie.  Our entire home was set up for little Muffie since he was blind.


The vet is our new vet, another youngish man, very handsome with the most gorgeous, wide, friendly smile we have seen in a while, longish hair, now days in a pony tail.  The first time we came in to this new animal hospital he was wearing a new white belted kimono wrap style vet coat.  Jem said later...Wow, I thought to myself...That's the coolest looking doctor I've ever seen.  The young vet is also a farm vet so has to visit many farms in the area in his truck. His scuffed hands tell a strong but gentle story, long gone is the white kimono wrap coat (I'm sure the senior vet owner required them all wear).

He knew what he was doing...Very kind.  I was relieved he was able to find a place for a catheter so things went smoothly and most peacefully, Muffie just went to sleep there like a little angel, our sweet boy. 


I looked at the vet after he looked at me and Jem and quietly said...He's passed.   I looked the vet in his blue eyes and with little-girl wonder, peacefully said...It was peaceful and he shook his head yes, yes, the 30 something  young vet was assuring the 60 something mom. He's getting to know me and knows I'm a sensitive and thinking one.   I was so relieved it was peaceful, just like little Muffie went to sleep, not even a flinch that the vet warned could happen.  He looked like a very small sleeping little puppy there, little fur angel.

There was no arguing about it...I had held him in the exam room waiting for the vet, he was uncomfortable even in my arms.  I carefully placed him in his little cozy bed from home we had  brought with us to the vet with that plaid blanket...  He was starting to have trouble breathing it seemed.  It was  breaking our hearts and Jem was tearing up this time.  Actually?  Jem broke down as I read this blog to him.  He jokes around and kids to stave off grief but I see he too is in a grieving process.


You see, it wasn't that long ago here that Muffie would sit next to Jem on the couch like a little boy...We would laugh so very hard because if we touched Muffie he would let out a gentle growl to let us know...No, I'm with my daddy.  Leave me alone.   It was so funny, it was like a push button toy that growled playfully when touched.  Sometimes Jem would talk to Muffie and Muffie would look up at him just as a child would!  His little button eyes and even his little mouth's expression said...Really?   I'm your buddy?!

Several years ago though, his little button eyes dimmed, and he became  blind.

He was a little sidekick and loved to be held but then would want in his little bed.   We had a beautiful wicker bed next to my side of the bed where he would be safe at night.   I remember buying the wicker dog bed at a resale shop in the burbs way back when.  Since sleeping next to my bedside, I would place two receiving blankets doubled; a pink one and white and gold stripe one doubled over his side of my lamp shade so my lamp wouldn't disturb him.  Yes, they are still there on my nightstand as well as his wicker bed on the floor by my bedside with blankets left just as they were that morning.

We had a little fenced area for him where he could walk around safely outside, and then he would climb up the little ramp Jem made to the doggy door.  I would place lavender oil on the ramp and the doggy door so he could find those places.  


EDIT  10.30.23     He would bark and want to be held...He would just lay his little head back and close his eyes relaxed...Very sweet that he knew to do that in my arms and felt so safe.

Lessons learned for me finally in this life on this green earth.  The night before I held him at the supper table  I knew he didn't look well at this point and was becoming extremely weak.  Jem would sit with him on the couch later...  That night at 2am he cried and we put little Muffie in bed with that plaid blanket...  

It was apparent the next morning he was losing strength not able to stand and crying periodically.  We called the vet and got over there to see what could be done for our angel....The receptionist understood, she had just dug into her kleenex box for me a couple of weeks before when Missy passed, she has fur babies of her own.

I miss our little Muffie.

I think our big white Lab/Shepherd dog, precious and sweet, Liesl knows she needs to comfort me...She took a nap by my feet as I napped quietly that afternoon, she even pawed at the restroom door as if to say...Mom?   You okay?

Seasons of life come and go...We take each loss differently and things hit at different times.


I even took the time to gently clip some of his beautiful golden locks perhaps for a locket, maybe our daughters may like to have a lock too,  as he lay there so sweetly before Jem buried our little angel. 

I'll close now...I appreciate those wonderful Friends and Readers who type words of comfort and strength coupled with compassion.  

You see...You are Jesus with skin on.


Please oblige, I will not be able to respond to comments most likely for the next several days or so at least for I will be out of pocket.  So my customary replies may be a little late.  Thank you for understanding.  I appreciate you all so very much.

Ask the animals, and they will teach you.  ~Job  12:7


God be with us all.  I covet your prayers.

Signing off for now, until the next time from My Forest Cathedral     ~Amelia



Monday, October 2, 2023

Missy Christmas, Our Little Angel. You Will be Sooooo Missed, our little Angel Girl....


This is precious little Missy, last December in her new coat.  


I had just been watching Missy, just the cute way she would kind of walk around and flop down appearing to be looking around, though blind, it looked like she could see something, and oh it was so darling....Just so innocent.  She loved our daughter's dachshund and would just wag her tail when she was around him...It made me wonder if she wasn't used to another little dog around her like that.  She so wanted to be friends with Atticus and he was very sweet to her too.   

Edit 10.2.23 4:50pm.  Missy Christmas was dumped here on our street two days after Christmas in literally freezing weather for those who may not know.  It was so very sad but we were so blessed to have this little angel for the far-too short time we were so blessed to have had this heart-warming angel.




We lost our little Missy last Friday.  I'm severely grieved in my spirit and heart and everything else.   It's very traumatic and heartbreaking for me.  

She was getting up, falling over and hitting her head on the floor.  She started curling her body over to the side.  We had already taken our elderly little Muffie in to the vet, Wednesday before that for similar symptoms and he became better quickly.  So I really expected for Missy too, to get better quickly.  


According to the vet, she had something going on that probably had to do with the way she was treated by her previous owners who dumped her in literally freezing cold weather two days after Christmas.  She had had a hernia on her side already, caused by a very hard kick or hit by a car.   I just don't know who the monsters were who had this little angel. 


I'm so disappointed with many things that have happened lately, just sick at heart.  I know I have  blessings and I know God is watching, He's even watching the sparrow but I'm just really sad at heart, I'm mourning and God understands that.   


It's easy to get cynical with people even.  almost everyone just starts looking like a fake to us at times...People say crazy things when we lose our pets, they'll even say crazy things using the Bible, can you imagine what God thinks of that?  His heart must break too.


Many times we are already wondering who is real anymore for God's sake?!   Who in God's name can sympathize and behave in a caring way instead of having their faces imbedded into their screens!    Who can we find who is not so busy going to church that they can't be the Church?  


Last Friday I looked around in the stores, Jem and I.   I was so upset inside the stores and restaurant waiting for the vet to call me the first time around.   I just looked at people, they seemed like zombies.   I tell people my dog is at the vet's not doing well...They don't even know how to respond!  What has become of this culture?!



We pick Missy up the first time and as we waited their was a youngish lady with very frightened German Shepherd, just precious, he was shaking after his rabies shot.   She had a tshirt on and on the  back of it, it said...Be Strong in the Lord.   I told her I liked her shirt and that I sure needed that message that day.   She acted sheepish and quiet about it although smiling to herself, obviously a nice person but seemed a little socially inept and not too terribly empathetic to maybe what was going on with me and my pet who we were waiting for?   ...And I'm just thinking...Now isn't that something?   She's wearing that shirt and can't even defend the message or give encouragement.  I'm just mentally shaking my head.  Later Jem shared, that yes, he noticed the girl was quiet on that.   


The whole world is crazy isn't it at times?   Although, of course there are right things in this world too that I thank the Lord for.

In this case we had to make the agonizing decision to euthanize our little angel, and I even have questions on that, she was suffering and it was Friday evening, we brought her home from the vet's office, he said it didn't look good.   We brought her home and she cried and cried...We brought her back to the vet's seeking help and wisdom.


The very young vet, a handsome, fresh-looking black young man, someone who looked like he should be an actor on pbs children's programming, was very sweet, he looked like he was about to cry too.  He had recommended euthanizing but I've learned to never take that advice without looking into things.  I've been told that twice in the past ten years and both times it was not needed, the animal wasn't suffering and both times the pet recovered fully! 


I told the young vet the story of the nursing home I used to volunteer at, a middle aged man who had been in a car wreck was there.  He had passed away and was brought back by the paramedics.  He said the first thing he saw in Heaven was all of his dogs from his life who had passed to the other side, there to greet him...  There was no reason for that man to tell me that either, and I've always remembered his testimony of that.   


I quietly told the vet through tear filled eyes....

And I believe that.


When they gave my angel the first shot to sedate her she jumped and flailed and I was horrified, I looked at the  vet tech with fear, horror and tears and asked Is this normal?   


I held my little angel and cried and told her Oh Missy, I'm so sorry we could not help you more... 


After they took her to the next room we waited on the bench in the far side of the lobby and I cried so hard, just so very hard.  I did not care who heard me either.

 Pet Loss Grief; the pain explained.  Sarah Hoggan DVM



I have many questions right now on how things happened.   The lady above is a trauma vet and she explains our feelings so, so, so, so well.  Just.   So.   Well.   


Please give the video a listen, it's only 16 minutes.




I must go now, please say a prayer for this gal.   ~Amelia