I was able to visit my father last week (see last entry) and able to run my fingers through his hair...He wasn't recognizing me. I kept telling him, It's okay Daddy, it's okay. I just felt he needed to hear that in his soul. I told him I love you Daddy, and I think he was starting to recognize me and he said...I love you too babe.
It was tough. Real tough. There are times I feel as I could faint and this was one of them. I'm reading this blog writing and it sounds a little cold and I am so sorry about that, I'm just a bit confounded on how to word my feelings and it's showing up here.
This all is one of those things you think of in life and know it may happen one day, but this thing is bad, a bad gig as my youngest artist-photographer daughter would call it. ...A bad gig. My father has been stolen from me and he made bad choices. But God is bigger. God knows all about it. The nurses on staff knew the full picture and were sympathetic as well. I'm sure they felt very helpless as the perpetrator has medical power of attorney. It's unbelievable and horrible.
A Gift: I was so thankful my son in law, Josh was there in the hospital room with me along with Jem of course, Lea, our oldest too along with our Michelle. At one point I just buried my face in Josh's huge Welsh chest and cried as he had held his arms out for me after watching me with my dad. He gets me and I get him. I laugh, I tell him he's my real son, he arrived late. : ) We both are infp personalities. Jem. My Jem was almost humorous he is so very angry at this situation that did not have to be. He hates what it has done to us all.
Please pray over this situation. I feel God is saying to me to be quiet on it even at home, not to talk about it too much at all. Trust me, there could be a lot to talk about! I am to let Him do His work, He has ways of doing it up good especially in justice situations. ...And trust me it truly is a justice situation, as the system does not work. It's unbelievable what people think they can get away with and do many times. I will try to write more when God releases me to do so. And we know, those of us who know God, know that those who look like they are getting away with evil are not. No, not at all. God watches from afar (and up-close!) God is there watching!
I've struggled with anxiety for many years, it's a good thing that I do have a living relationship with God let me tell you. I would like to share this wonderful book that has some very good biblical reminders and rules along with true stories:
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. (1948) This is one of those books many people read over and over again. Very, very, very helpful! Mr. Carnegie writes in such a gentlemanly way and such a matter of fact way so typical of the 40s. He covers our enemies, ingratitude etc. This book hits home. Timeless.
And more Gifts: We saw the mommy cows and their baby calves in the fields and they are so happy. The calves frolic through the green grass under the oak trees, they look up and kiss their mommies. If God takes care of these sweet free creatures will He not take care of me?
Another Gift: I was able to sew a little bit. I made a navy lawn cotton (super lightweight) maxi skirt with a yoke. It will go with some woven one yard tops I want to make. It's therapy I tell you. : )
Something that made me smile: I saw a little spider scurrying across my bathroom floor so frightened, and I felt God smiling and saying, That is how you are too at times Dear One.
There was also someone Jem and I talked to that gave Peace and made us feel protected. It was God watching over us in in a very major way.
I'll close with some songs that I enjoy that you may enjoy too! Sara Groves has some very unique and meaningful songs if you would like to look her up on youtube. I've seen her and talked to her in person more than once and she is one of those true-blue ones. She was very kind, the second time I saw her after a concert she says to me and our four girls, I remember you!
Have a sweet afternoon and evening, loves, Amelia in the Forest. God is watching over us.