God puts each fresh morning, each new chance of life, into our hands as a gift to see what we will do with it.
I walked the other evening solitaire...the moon was gorgeous...I could hear Lea talking with my dad (85) over the phone... I love you...as she hangs up her cell...We had been passing each other up on the long driveway, she talking to Daddy, me walking and contemplating, thanking God...and thinking...Praying... God is with me, God is with me, God is with me...Just like a heart beat.
Ever since I read Ann Voskamp's blog entitled, something like...We Hear You. I have remembered... God is with me...God is with me... God is with me...
When my dad is not doing well...When my heart breaks because I see him, hear him sometimes ask the same question he just asked...I see his eyes not focusing...asking which grand-daughter is which because he can't see with those once beautiful blue crystal starry eyes, that Tony Curtis-look he had..my heart breaks. I just don't know what to do. So I pray and say in my heart... God is with me, God is with me, God is with me. It all frightens me soooo much. But. God is with me.
Daddy is a stubborn one. He is still insisting on living 3 hours away. There is only so much we can do but pray for angels to help him (edit 8.1...And that justice will be served.
It still unnerves me to hear the phone ring. I'm unnerved extremely easy these days. But I also know...God is with me, God is with me, God is with me...
I tell my husband, I just can't take this world sometimes, that world out there. Bad things happen too much. Animals being mistreated, unborn babies being murdered...the abused children, the girls in other lands. Too horrible to think of. I tell him this as we are eating at the cool Greek restaurant in midtown amongst the trees and the joggers and all the other "cool" people. Heh. He tells me I know...I know...I know...I feel the same way many times.
I tell Jem about a little bird in the grocery store...it was trapped in a high window and crying out loudly...frantically trying to get out, the shoppers were like the walking dead...They kept shopping as if they did not hear the little bird nor did they seem to notice. I stood getting my cellophane bag and observed. My youngest tells me the store management is trying to do something for the little bird...But the people ...No concern, no care, no ears to hear...like the walking dead. I walked in the produce department just watching what seemed indifferent, insensitive people ignoring this poor little frantic bird, it made me sad.
One of the most attractive things I think in a man is when they are tender towards living things...I love to see the nightly scene of our blind dog as I place him next to Jem on the couch and Jem takes care of him...It is so sweet. I see Jem shake his head and make a clicking noise with his mouth as it hurts his heart...in his heart he is saying it's a shame.. this precious little creature, not seeing, knowing we are his little world... I love to see Jem as we take our evening walk in the Forest here and we run across a small turtle, ants are all over the poor thing. Jem thinks to pick it up and put it in the pond to try to save it and remove the ants. That is so attractive to me.
I've been reading, 'To Kill a Mockingbird', but especially the biography of Harper Lee. 'I am Scout'. Fascinating. In the car on our dates, I tell Jem about Harper Lee and all of the stories of she and Truman Capote, and Gregory Peck and how neato Gregory dressed like a bum to see the flavor of the little town...incognito. It's funny, around one small town in particular, (one we now know to stay away from) you don't have to dress like a bum. You wear matching clothing, it can be walmart clothes, it's just a look so to speak that I didn't even realize until told ... and if you have a european face, perhaps pointed features, perhaps you dare to wear faux pearls. We are labeled. Outsiders they say. Prejudice is an ugly thing. Many church-goers don't see it do they? It's so bad I think when we can't be safe in church. I do thank God we are seeing some nice churches in some of the other nice small towns that seem to have sweet spirits. What is really funny and interesting is that it may be liturgical type churches that others may judge. Ha.
I tell Jem about 'To Kill a Mockingbird' and I play the soundtrack in our bathroom... Jem tells me about the old 'Yes' group concert (I remember hearing about 'Yes' in my art class, I was a nice kid, the clean cut artist so I had no idea who Yes was) : P... he found and 'The Wrecking Crew' band and how they did themes for the old shows and groups...we both love music but he had more of a hippy background although he is a loafer wearing broker now...and I am more of a geek of sorts with artistic inclinations. We are so silly but we compliment each other.
How do our children, now adults learn about Christ? We taught them, we teach them by our lives, what they see, what they have learned from short family devotions...May they see me feeding a poor person instead of making a sarcastic remark. Hopefully they see Christ, though not perfect but hopefully perfect repentant hearts? They know the American church is not the answer but the real Church is in our hearts. Sometimes community is found in a church, sometimes not. Lately not and that's just the state of things. God is God and doesn't change though. : ) He lives in our hearts and lives. ...Let's not forget about kindness right? The other week our oldest told us she was so thankful that she had kind parents, she is running into young adults at church who didn't have kind parents.
The other week we were in a bay town at a lovely old family Italian restaurant with seaside view...a youth group was there from a smalltown up north. Jem had tears in his eyes because he could tell these youth had had it rough. After our lunch we were sitting quietly on their outdoor patio under the Francis of Assisi fountain, love those gentle Francis of Assisi statues don't you? Especially the ones with the birds... Two of the girls from the youth group came out, one passed us up sizing us up. One sits on the edge of the fountain looking at us but not. The chill or perhaps rejection was apparent. My husband asks where they are from, if they are a youth group, the girl answers 'yes' shortly looking away not making eye contact. Jem gets it. He quietly asks if I want to go...he walks, as I get up and throw my purse over my shoulder, I tell the girl as I motion to Jem,
He used to play with a group called Dark Terror.
She looks me in the eye shocked and murmurs Really?
Yeah...He did... I left her with a smile, with much to think about. I hope Christ was glorified in it all.
It's funny isn't it? All those prejudices, but it shouldn't matter if a person played with Dark Terror and if that gives a testimony "clout". ..Although we know Christ uses those things. Many things are dark, many things we are saved from when we turn our hearts to Christ entirely we see were very dark.
It's almost supper time, it's just Jem and I this eve, our girls are having a girl-sister time, wedding plans are revving up by George! Our prayer is that this upcoming fall wedding will glorify the Father. I pray the people who are kind enough to attend will be blessed and this will be a way of saying quietly....nicely.... Please stop the insanity of keeping up with the Jones's. Michelle and Josh are keeping things traditional and I think it will be a breath of fresh air... May God be glorified.
I've really been enjoying evenings here in the Forest...I say to myself... Thank you Father. I must never, take this for granted. A Gift.
I don't have a camera yet...Bandwidth here has been troublesome.
I do hope to post pics one day again. Please oblige.
Goodnight Loves, amelia God is with me, God is with me, God is with me.......................