Thursday, March 8, 2018

Everytime I See Your Face... Photograph

I was so very excited to write this blog as God clearly nudged along the way!

My thinking is much like the ticker that goes round and round on my Life game when I was a kid.  I loved that game did you?

Yeah, I was an only child so having a friend over who I could play a game with was a treat. Remember how the ticker would go slow, or fast and slow and then go tick. Tick.  Tick.  .....Re..aaallll-y slowwww....... .   .   Maybe it would pause over one of the little teeth and sway baaaacck ....Until it stopp.ppp eeed.

That illustrates my feelings, thoughts lately.  Tick. Tick.  Tick...  then stop.  Where she stops nobody knows...  (The girl smiles).

Many times it's the memories I have, sometimes good, sometimes bad...Sometimes I miss my dad and sometimes I'm very mad at him and feel a bit rejected...But then?

I remember the messages from Heaven and that things are cleared up on Dad's side and It's me, over here on this green earth where thoughts are muddled...  It's that tick.  Tick.  Tick.

There are still days I can't believe how things ended.   If I did not have God Who I trust in, I'm not quite sure what I would do and how I would ultimately feel or be able to handle things.

I do know this:  God is Just.  Oh friends, He is so very Just.  As my Italian grandma used to say...You do good and don't worry about the rest.  You just do good.  Whether she knew it or not that was God's way.  I also think God protects through what may appear as something bad.....or UNjust. Oh trust me, I have more than one story of how God protected in this most horrible and unjust situation involving my father.

Allow me to say on just one particular account there is a very evil criminal who was huge in my father's destruction in more ways than one, who is probably quite miffed at this time. Thanks to God for putting something in my dad's heart to do more then several years ago and thanks to a quiet behind the scene secretary who probably receives very few accolades in life. She did her homework...Something very important was protected.  That is the way God is.

There are other things that happened that seem unfair that the criminal will have to live with now but we know all things will one day be exposed.  One thing I have to live with knowing is that the criminal hoodlum family is living in my father's house and it is very difficult for me to think of my little girl's photos in that house along with handwritten letters by my girls and myself that even included my drawings that I would illustrate my letters with....The sweet times we once had there once upon a time.  There is no telling what sentimental items that are in that house.  Frightening and heartbreaking. 

But ...God's got this.  The girl will be strong.

God is just.  We can rest in that.  ...And oh friends do know,  I do rest in that.  God gives that Peace that passes all understanding but there is also a grief that happens when we lose someone who maybe didn't always do things God's way, they hurt us at times, but also showed us love at times, and it was a very precious thing when they did and that was many times.

On with my story...

Jem and I were riding through the city last Sunday and we were listening to music in the car...We both love music and I love to look at the clouds while listening to our music.  When I see the clouds I see God and I see Heaven...

On a Sunday it's especially poignant...It's like a beautiful, peaceful sermon illustration that ministers to the Spirit in non-words. You see...God is everywhere if we will just notice.  If we will just notice.  I'm afraid with all of the devices people stare into that they are not noticing anymore...  It's frightening and I think it rips us off from life.  Life.  Life, like that game that goes tick.  Tick.  Tick.  

Jem is a musician...He can play guitar, drums, flute...He used to play in the same venue with Christopher Cross before Cross became famous. Jem laughs, I never even knew that guy could sing. 

Now?  Jem plays for pleasure and is your local Realtor Broker in oldtown who will treat you like family.

All that to say, the following song by Ringo Starr came on in the car as I gazed at the clouds and this photo below flashed before the theatre of my mind...

Every time I see your face it reminds me of the places we used to go.  But all I've got is a photograph And I realize you're not coming back anymore...

Yes, this exact photo just popped up in my mind and heart as the spinner slowly ticked to a stop. The ticker has been stopped here at this photo since last Sunday.  This exact photo.  Tick...sway...Tick...

The song?  Here it is...Photograph.   Please take a listen. 

Look at the date: 17 Mar 64.    I was all of three years old.  Here we are in March of 2018.

This little yellow dress had white pockets;  one with Yogi Bear, and the other with Huckleberry hound dog.  : )

More  Photographs.

My first week home in my Daddy's arms.

The waterfront where my dad rented boat slips and owned a marine Gulf gas station for boats and cars.  Mother and I would come on over after church on Sunday as you can see here.  This must have been on Easter Sunday.

 Mr. Jeske and Daddy at his Gulf marine gas station there on the pier on the bay...My dad could be such a character...

At home.

My birthday at the channel 13 studio at the Kitterick show.  The little boy is Tommy, one of my dad's army buddy's son.  Tommy had a G.I. Joe doll...G.I. Joe had a scar, I remember...Not at all like my dolls, but I enjoyed playing with Tommy.  Daddy is dressed in his suit, pipe in his mouth, and me in my red jumper.

Me in my pale yellow and white room...after some large event, maybe the ice capades? late one night. My mother had made this pink velvet jumper for me.  The little bear plaque behind my bed?  My dad made those for my nursery with a jigsaw and decals my mother had bought, he said it was heck to cut those little details out!  The little bear design was placed on my nursery lamp as well.  So darling.  I was fascinated by that balloon, I just loved it.


It was just a few years ago, Daddy said I was his darling...

Photograph.   Every time I see your face...

I'll leave you with one more last song as follows.

And please know I have forgiveness in my heart although I have been through pain.  If you have had pain in your life, you too can have the freedom of forgiveness.  God is Just.  He is Faithful.  He will be your Father when you feel abandoned and corruption is rampant. 

You may even feel judged  by some as you've chosen to stay quiet on things.  Even... Jesus said nothing.  -Mark 15:5.  ...Much to Pilate's surprise and amazement.

 ...And with His hand He'll wipe away the tears that stain our eyes.

...Sometimes it captures my heart and carries me far away...Beyond the skies....Beyond all Telling    Our Father Himself will be our Light.   

There is Peace in that.  It's a sweet freedom.  No matter how much the world and memories may tick, He'll bring beauty..   

I hope I can use my talent of the recent suffering and pain through grief to share and encourage others that you may live in Peace.  The world and memories may tick but we can still go on in His Peace with a sweet smile and heart as we mind our own business, taking care of our homes being faithful in the now.

After I posted this music video, I noticed it was shot in Galveston.  God sure knows what He is doing.

Sometimes it captures my heart...and carries me far away.......................................

Have a wonderful day, loves,      Amelia in the Forest

Edit March 9:  

Bearing the burden of crushing weight actually gives Christians wings. 
-Streams in the Desert daily devotional.


Lea said...

Oh Mom... this brought tears to my eyes. The lyrics to that Ringo Starr song and the pictures capturing some incredibly sweet memories. My heart strings are tugged as the sober reminder of his loss bears down. Reminding me of kissing his forehead as I said goodbye to him in that hospital bed. Tears are streaming down my face now.

That Fernando song is so beautiful as well...

I'm also reminded that we do not grieve as those with no hope. We will see Grandpa again. And we can joy that he is in a better place. And know that he does see clearly now... even if a bit late for us.

2 Corinthians 1 is also such a great comfort that as we endure pain, we are comforted of God... and can henceforth help others in pain as well. It is incredible how God works in that way. But it is so very true... we we definitely see that.

With Love & Hugs, Lea

Amelia said...

Dear Lea,

Yes. "I'm also reminded that we do not grieve as those with no hope. We will see Grandpa again. And we can joy that he is in a better place. And know that he does see clearly now... even if a bit late for us."

This is so true, and I just heard Anne Graham Lotz say this exact same at her father's funeral last week. Yes, we grieve because we miss a loved one but we know where they are and as you wrote...even if a bit late for us. The entire last several years have been rather traumatic and very difficult to articulate with wisdom.

There is no grief wasted in this life, as yes, we can be sensitive to others and know what to do and what not to ignore. This is why Frederick Buechner writes this grief or suffering is somewhat of a talent to share, to do something with! : )

xxoo mom

Barbara said...

You express yourself so very well. These writings will help you get through the grieving process. I am sorry for your hurting heart.

When I first began reading your blog a few years ago, I never dreamed that someday I would buy a house with my own "Forest Cathedral" just steps from our back porch!

Michelle said...

What a beautiful post. God is indeed just and good.

I loved seeing these old photos and getting a little glimpse into your childhood. Thinking back on the years is always so emotional! It's bitter sweet.❤ Thanks for sharing with us all. So glad we can rejoice in the fact the we will get to see grandpa again someday!

Amelia said...

Thank you so, so much Barbara.

Isn't it nice having a natural 'Forest Cathedral'?

Amelia said...

Awww... Thank you Michelle. I remember Grandpa coming over when you were a little toddler and you were sleeping. He looked down at you and smiled and stroked your golden hair so lovingly.

Yes, it is such a huge comfort that we will see Grandpa again, oh such a comfort! I miss him when I remember how thing used to be even at times up until a few years ago and what could have been. God is with us. <3