Monday, October 11, 2010

Deep Thoughts & Victories

I saw this music video this morning and liked it so much...This song has always been touching to me; it truly tells of the Father's goodness and faithfulness in our lives. Even some of the music sounds, the riffs as my musical husband calls them are ministering to the heart...just so magnificent and beautiful like our Father.



The other morning this was in my devotional, "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young and it ministered to my heart in so many ways! : )

October 6

"Be willing to follow wherever I lead. Follow Me wholeheartedly, with glad anticipation quickening your pace. Though you don't know what lies ahead, I know; and that is enough! Some of My richest blessings are just around the bend: out of sight, but nonetheless very real. To receive these gifts, you must walk by faith ---- not by sight. This doesn't mean closing your eyes to what is all around you. It means subordinating the visible world to the invisible Shepherd of your soul.

Sometimes I lead you up a high mountain with only My hand to support you. The higher you climb, the more spectacular the view becomes; also, the more keenly you sense your separation from the world with all its problems. This frees to experience exuberantly the joyous reality of My Presence. Give yourself fully to these Glory- moments, awash in dazzling Light. I will eventually lead you down the mountain, back into community with others. Let My Light continue to shine within you as you walk among people again."

2 Corinthians 5:7; Psalm 96:6; John 8:12; Psalm 36:9


This was such a great message from the Lord to me.

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The house is coming along! We painted the exterior a very pretty neutral beige-grey-light sage green called Sprig of Ivy and very light cream trim... It's nice, it pleases everyone. Some wanted a taupe color, I liked grey & white, some wanted a cream colonial look, some wanted green with black shutters, most want a red door. I have to smile to myself when I see it now, ......it looks very greyish-green. ; ) Just what I like. I have to smile to the Lord on that one! Very soothing....plus. I'm a real green person...I love green, I wear it and paint it. But let me tell you a little secret between the Father and I....It looks very grey on that house but it's green too. : )
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Wow. Life is so bizarre at times.

Last February I received a call from a long lost third cousin. From the German side. I've never spoke with her in my life, although I do recall seeing her as a younger woman when I was a little girl in our place of business.

This cousin was trying to find me via phone.

You see,a book is being written about my hometown and my father's family; a founding family owning a business since the 1920's where folks from the city would go for pleasure. This fascinating place had a museum with a real Egyption mummy, little monkeys exhibited, boat shows, there was no other place like it! A major newspaper once wrote that the place should be encased in glass and put in the Smithsonian.

My father saw to it that model airplanes hung from the ceiling, and between he and my grandfather there was money from all over the world hanging form the ceilings. It was an incredible place. Cowbells strung from a rope were rung everytime a sale was made. Glass showcases encased beautiful jewelry made from sea shells by my mother and step-grandma.

But amidst all of it were tragedies.

My grandmother who I was named after, Amelia had passed away when my dad was around ten years of age. Daddy and his brother, Wesley soon would attend a private military school in Mississippi. My uncle ten years my dad's senior later attended Rice University.
Grandma Amelia 00 001_edited
~My Grandmother, Amelia

My uncle Wesley died a tragic death, he passed away at 23 from cancer of the pulmonaric artery, at the end of his life, he lay there, that beautiful handsome young man. Blond hair, blue eyes, slim and well over 6 feet tall. Some say 6'3" maybe more. He majored in Drama at Rice. He died with the side of his face cruelly eaten away, my father tearfully told me his teeth shown through his face.

He was known by many, even in highschool in the aeronautical area, a huge school, a beautiful older woman, a drama teacher stopped me in the hallway to see if by any chance I was a relative of Wesley. It was very clear she had admired him very much. She and my English teacher would talk of Uncle Wesley amongst themselves as my English teacher would bring things up about him to me... My mother said Wesley would walk in a room and every eye would turn to him....My Italian grandma even said the family all had eyes like stars...Our baby girl, now 16 has those starry eyes. It's amazing.

My Photo


Uncle Wesley passed away years ago in the home I grew up in, the very home he brought his bride to. The sweet cottage-like white house with the green shutters built in the 1930s, the one with the huge pink crepe myrtle bushes in the huge front yard...

But that day my long lost cousin called about this book it bothered me. I knew she had been trying to get in touch with me, she had even called my husband at work.

There is a point in time when we realize in life we must protect ourselves. It's not so much that we must protect ourselves from bad people necessarily but from feeling exploited.

The day I returned my cousin's call, she answered with a very guarded greeting, all business. My heart sank. She needed information for the book being published making it's appearance at Barnes and Noble. She wasn't the author, the author was a lady near to my hometown. My cousin was starting to ask about things I felt uncomfortable about sharing especially since I had never spoken with her, things like if I remembered my grandfather...Thus a quiet and thoughtful, short...

"Yes I remember him."

She called my house I grew up in, the "white wood house". I wanted to say, No, it's not a white wood house. How un-poetic, how blunt, dry, cold of a way to describe my little house. It was a sweet white larger sized Thomas Kinkade type of a typical 30s cottage done in old fashioned siding with adorable green shutters with a stone pathway and beautiful lillies and such...pink crepe myrtle trees lining the huge front yard...

As I hung up the phone I wanted to cry. In fact, I did cry. It was a cry that came from deep within. I sat in our backroom looking around at memorobilia and photos from our family's places, both the German and Italian businesses in that town on the waterfront, old Bing Crosby albums on display, an old 1943 letter from a big downtown attorney named Dixie Smith, a beautiful letter of condolence when Uncle Wesley passed, Uncle Wesley's bank account book til close to the end, his darling junior high military school photo signed:

"To the swellest Dad ever"

....I have carefully and honorably decorated with it all and just felt so very odd about the entire phone call thing. Deep, deep feelings flooded my heart, just so many realizations came forth from a heart that's been ran through a tenderizer. My heart.

They all wanted photos for the book, my distant cousin calling wanted photos of her father also, that is understandable but I didn't have those. I do have many of my family's business, the famous family business and so forth. My heart said No. God whispered....You don't have to.... Oh how I wanted to jump on the Father's lap. Oh how I wanted to call my Italian grandma but she is with Jesus now...She would maybe understand. But this was one of those places in life no one would understand, no one but me, not my girls, maybe not even hubs...Only God. Only God. There are just times in life like that in life.


Perhaps my distant cousin just didn't have that softness about her I like in people. I don't know, but there was something about it all that made me really sad, just really sad. I later looked her pic up through my daughters' facebook and I felt a kindness or more of a mercy towards her, she is probably 15 years older than I and had vivid blue eyes, those vivid blue eyes that run in the family. I saw pain there and a sweetness of sorts.

The German side of my family had two sides, my grandmother's side was very sweet, my grandfather's side...a bit shrewd from what I know which is very little.

Once when I was having health problems I spoke with our old family physician's son, also a successful doctor, now retired. He lives in one of the most luxurious parts of town. He was my father's running buddy when they were young, his dad took care of both my grandmother and my uncle, he traded his medical services back then for a boat space. The medical establishment was so much more human then.... He knew much about my family. In fact in one of my old photos his physician father is in it. The "younger" physician (close to his 80s) told me...

"Honey, your dad is just like his mother and your uncle was just like his father."


It was so strange, our home was full of emotion that day unknown to many. It goes to show that when you see someone, perhaps they aren't as chipper as they should be, perhaps they are distant, we really don't know what they might be going through. When someone is on your heart. Please pray for them. Pray for them. Show love to them with actions or words if necessary, please don't ignore them.


That day in our home...

My daughter was having her VOH Bible study in the living room that day as this went on. I had a living room full of beautiful Christian young ladies as that conversation went on in the back of our home. The girls were enjoying two Christian young men tell of how they appreciate Godly young women.

I mosied into our living room for some Sonshine with those precious girls. I sat on the back row as a young man shared via world wide web over a web cam, it was kind of "Jetson-like". I sat in my black turtleneck and black workout pants looking calm, cool and collective (I wonder if Coco Chanel wore black turtlenecks and black workout pants minus the pearls when she was at home)... I sat there smiling at the girls. No one knew the battle I had arrived from.

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Later one of the real authors of the book called me. A very sweet sounding lady, she let me know she also had Italian roots, and the motive?...I still felt uneasy in releasing my photos...After all, I write also... Perhaps one day I would like to write my family history in a book? And why were they not finding photos from others from other publications I have seen in the past?

The story will continue later if the Lord sees fit. I will say the Lord protects. He is Faithful. We must move slowly at times as we grasp the Lord's hand.

This is a vehicle for me of sorts to get my feelings out on paper. Yes, it's public, the reason why I keep this personal blog public even though it does prohibit me from sharing too freely is so maybe it will minister to others who go through things too.

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In the meantime we are having a great time out at the country, trying hard to get things done in our new home. I'm enjoying life and am so grateful for Victories in the Lord.

We must remember God uses the broken and those earnestly seeking Him. The brokeness allows the Light to shine out.

I also realize that when someone is used for the Lord, like a stuttering Moses of sorts much of this may happen and many times does.

Our family speaks once a year at a homeschool workshop on a Godly Home and many times we have been targeted in the most unusual of ways...

It's okay. God is God and He takes good care of things, very good care of things. He makes us strong, we are strong in our Father. : )

Please pray for my 80 year old father suffering from Macular Degeneration. He tells me his vision is growing worse, we all had a sweet visit with him a week ago. It was delightful, he can be so much fun, we are kindred spirits most of the time...My daughters will tell you their grandpa is an amazing man.

Such a sweet visit...He lives three hours away, pray the Lord would touch his eyes, and pray we would have wisdom from the Lord.

Did I ever tell you the time Daddy wrote a Christmas card from our dog with a paw print to the dog pound? It made 60 Minutes evening news!

That's Dad. : ) That's me. That's the Father above.

I'll be out of pocket for a bit, but I hope to be journaling again soon.

random doll pics and 4th of July 221 One of my favorite statues. She looks to be worshipping and basking in the Father.

2 comments:

Casandra said...

What a beautiful post....get those feelings out...I know the kind of feeling you had. I remember after my grandmother passed away- my cousin (who never made an effort to help Gram, be with her or even send a Christmas card) all of a sudden wanted valuables from Gram. It really upset me...and in a way I think you feel that your families town needs to be written by someone who EXPERIENCED it and not RESEARCHED it. I understand...truely.

Your greyish/green house sounds like just the perfect match for you! :)

Hope to see pics soon! <3 Cass

Amelia said...

You really do understand Cass, you really do...Your comment clarified some things to me so well. Thank you for being an instrument of the Lord and such a kind sister and friend in Christ.

I appreciate this comment more than you will ever know.

Thank you Cass, and yes I do hope to get some pics up soon! Around here it's like herding cats to get pics! ; )

In His love and care, ~Amelia